(someone) i thought was my endgame

 (someone) i thought was my endgame

by: Sirl

this,

unconditionally
dilemma
it's risky
i mean
i don't know
even it turns out
that you never felt the same way about me
i'm still stuck in
how can i still breathing
i created the pain
i created my own heartbreak
tell me how to stop this
how can i feel happy and sad in the same time?

sometimes, 

i chosen't to know anything

i'm confused

my heart and logic don't match

i'm tired of everything

i'm slowly giving up

whether doing that was probably the best decision i've made?

i know and i realize that

my biggest mistakes is 

i've loved you so much, so much

on day i haven't love myself  first

and yass

i think that's all 

and precisely where the problem begins

tripple kills

when finally...

i know that

you wasn't done with your ex

to be honest

i just gotta accept it,

but damn

i really almost lost myself

again and again

if you know

just tell me now, how?!

it's been more than 2 years 

and i don't know

how to unloving you

i've love
i just wanna be free from this feelings
no pains
no regrets

all i want to do is
realize, deeply
everyday
every time

evey hour
every minutes
and every seconds
to love myself a little more
day by day
step by step
little by little
i want to live each mystery
how can i enjoy mylife to the fullest

i don't know what i want
what i deserve

anyways...
i'm tryin'
to uncrush
to unlove
to uncare
to stop anything related to you
but did you know?

no matter how i'm trying my best
how foolish i'm
it's really hard
i've never felt this before

i think
you're my endgame story
but, in fact
i totally wrong
'cause the special person is not me
is she, she, she
your ex, right?
or she's your future?

one thing you should know

all of this

i just can love you in the way i can

in private

in every universe

cause being your friend in public is enough for me

am i still your friend?

or am i your enemy?

Allah knows, but you and i don't

on the other hand

 i realize that

it's kinda one sided love

sometimes what i want isn't what's best for me

and i always trust His decision

for you

whenever you are

i always pray for you

hope we meet oneday

and wait 'till the best time